Gaming Items: Reality Wishlist

Many occasions unfold in our daily lives when fate, lady luck or simply ‘the man’ decides to root against us. Whether it’s missing that last bus home, saying the wrong thing to your mother in law or breaking down in your car that just passed its MOT; we’ve all been there. The idea for this blog post came from Destructoid, who explained how much easier life would be if we had some of our favourite video game items to help us out. In light of a great post, below is some of the fantasy equipment I would choose to improve my sometimes dire student life.

Ratchet in Size Matters: Who wouldn't want to live like a Borrower for a day?

Ratchet in Size Matters: Who wouldn't want to live like a Borrower for a day?

Ratchet and Clank are known for using some of the most outrageous and inventive weaponry around, but the specific gadget I’ve chosen from their roster is from ‘Size Matters’ on the PSP. In the game the duo use the Shrink Ray to explore the microscopic world of the Technomites, but now imagine how useful it would be to have this lying around your house. The ring you dropped down the back of the sofa would now be retrievable, the blockage in your sink piping could now be investigated and repairing the battery of your favourite watch would no longer be a fiddly mess. Sounds like a fantastic to any toolbox. And who wouldn’t want to drive around in your favourite Hot Wheels car for an afternoon?

The number of times I have walked up to the porch of my house after a night out and forgotten my front door key is incredible. I honestly always put it in my pocket just before I depart that evening and still manage to find a way to leave it behind in my bedroom. With Sora’s Key from Kingdom Hearts though, this wouldn’t be a problem at all. The brown haired boy from Destiny Islands doesn’t know how easy he has it, locking up world after world without a second thought over whether his Keyblade will fit a particular lock. Opening chests, doors and even hearts, the mythical weapon would be an outstanding part of anyone’s key ring. Can’t find those pesky car keys? Need to get back into your work office after hours? The Kingdom Key has your back.

Sonic's shoes might be a little pointy, but they certainly are sleek and shiny!

Sonic's shoes might be a little pointy, but they certainly are sleek and shiny!

Now I’m not exactly unfit, but there have been too many times when my running just doesn’t make the cut. Chasing down the train at one of London’s many stations or dashing to a lecture I’m due to be late for always brings me to my knees in an exhausted mess. So rather than buying those new Nike running shoes next time, how about the bright red trainers from Sonic the Hedgehog? Moving at the speed of sound doesn’t sound like a bad pace to me anyway, even if you have to wear those stupidly oversized socks on your feet. With Sonic’s shoes we would all be highly productive at work, no-one would suffer from obesity and most of us wouldn’t need cars to get around town. Okay so bumping into each other at breakneck speeds might be a small health and safety hazard, but who cares when you can run the 100m in less than a second?

Commercial radios are horrible. The adverts are annoying and sickly, I hate the choice of music and most of the DJ’s whittle on about something I will never care about. However, there is one radio station that I’ve always had a soft spot for; EA Radio Big. There were many reasons why SSX 3 was a huge step forward in the action sports genre, but the over the top style and characterisation will always stand out in my happy memories of it. DJ Atomika helped this along by offering funny, quick notes on the snowboarders competing, as well as introducing the songs and offering information on events, weather conditions and rivalries. His voice never felt intrusive and the soundtrack was a unique blend of electronica and punk rock. Even smaller touches, such as the music cutting out when you jumped too high into the air or fell over in the snow made it surprisingly real. If only EA Radio Big could be played live in my car…

DJ Atomika is the best radio host to listen to out on the slopes

DJ Atomika is the best radio host to listen to out on the slopes

The blue tunic, worn by Link in the Legend of Zelda gave him the ability to breathe underwater. Now many people will choose the power of flight over water (the feather cap in Mario or giant ears of Klonoa?!) but just to be different, I’d love to have the ability to explore the deep blue sea. I’ve always loved swimming and water sports, so to never have to worry about drowning in rough conditions would be one less hazard on my mind. If the legendary blue outfit could be retailed to the public, I’m sure deaths at sea would be cut tenfold, making it a safer place for those working in our oceans and an easier job for the Lifeboat services. Exploring shipwrecks at your own leisure? Swimming with the wildlife from Finding Nemo? Sounds like a blast to me!

When I’m talking to girls, it’s very easy to say the wrong thing. You know the situations that I’m talking about; let’s take for example, when they ask you how they look in a nice dress. If you say no, they’ll obviously look at you with disgust – but even if you say yes, they’ll retort with “So are you saying I don’t look nice normally?” It’s a nightmare. However, all of these issues would be resolved with the skull pin from the World Ends With You. On the portable Squeenix RPG, Tokyo teenager Neku starts his adventure with a black pin, which holds the ability to read people’s minds. Now obviously if everyone in the world had this pin, we’d have some serious society issues, but in the hands of you and me? A perfect advantage. Always being able to give the right answer to your boss, knowing what’s troubling your best friend… in moderation it could streamline so many problems. Plus, if i’m honest… when I’m sitting on the bus and suddenly notice someone in front of me daydreaming out of the window, I’m curious as to know what they’re thinking about. Or maybe I should stop being so nosy.

I dare you to find a weapon better than the beam katana

I dare you to find a weapon better than the beam katana

The final gaming item that I wish was real? A personal dream. It contains no practical usage, other than looking badass and scaring the soul out of your friends and enemies. It’s the beam katana from No More Heroes. When the hero in this original action Wii title won his geek weapon of choice, he probably had no idea what would unfold when he owned it. But if it’s any consolation to Travis, he looked ridiculously cool using it. Of course I’m not a killer, nor would I ever use this on anyone. Yet could you imagine drawing out this beast, or keeping It handy in the corner of your room? I’m drooling just thinking about.

Thanks to the GregHorrorShow for linking me to the original post. I’m not sure if Destructoid’s was the exact one, but it was within the same theme.

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